We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
