College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
