there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
