Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize