bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
