I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
