I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
