I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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