My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
