Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
