Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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