I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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