3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
