Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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