I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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