I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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