We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
