our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
