Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
