her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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