420 ftw
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
