Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
