did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
