I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
