You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
