then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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