Apparently you make a good broom.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
