yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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