I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
