so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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