i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
