Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
