He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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