capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
