haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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