my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
