I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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