he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
