I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
