I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize