Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltđ
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know itâs going to be a rough day when you scream âGet fuckedâ at your alarm clock
Sorry I drunk. I wouldnât eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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