and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
