People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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