I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
