: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
