I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize