One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Randomize
