I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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