first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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