Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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