Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
