If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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