i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well you can't waste a boner
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize