Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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