Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
