dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
