I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
