Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
