do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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