hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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