i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
