I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They are going to name an STD after you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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