So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize