Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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