there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
