You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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