I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
