The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
