I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
