I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
