hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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