Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
